As of writing this, I am about a week and a half out from my due date with baby number 3, and already I have mom guilt. Guilt that I didn’t enjoy this pregnancy enough. That I spent too much time being stressed, complaining and sick rather than embracing pregnancy and the miracle that was happening inside of me.
Of course I have a long list of “buts” that I have been telling myself the last nine months….
But this time I have two older kids to chase and entertain.
But this time I am working.
But someone has to make sure we have clean clothes to wear each day and food to eat.
But I have 235 errands to run in the three hours the boys are at summer camp.
But…..will I look back on this time and regret it? Maybe it’s because I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and it is making me slightly afraid. I’m afraid that I didn’t sit enough and just enjoy the kicks and pushes of my baby moving around my belly. I’m afraid I won’t remember any of the sweet details of this pregnancy and only remember the discomfort and pain. Everything was so much harder this time around due to many different factors, but I don’t want the mom guilt to ruin what time I have left.
Overall I know that I cared for this baby, even if I was stressed and busy – I loved him every second that he has been growing. Obviously he isn’t going to look back on this time and tell me that I didn’t pay enough attention to him, so I should stop worrying about it too. What I can do is be more mindful moving forward, for these last few days I can take a step back from all that is keeping me busy – take more time to just sit and feel him move, to embrace the blessing of growing a real, living human. To love on him from the outside and not allow needless mom guilt to be the beginning of our journey.