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Costco, I should hate you — but I CAN’T!

A Costco store in Carlsbad, California February 28, 2012. REUTERS/ Mike Blake

A Costco store in Carlsbad, California February 28, 2012. REUTERS/ Mike Blake

I’m trying here, Costco. Really, I am. I want so much to hate you, and on paper, that should be easy.  I mean, after all:

  1. I thought Target was bad, but YOU. You are the $8.79 (if we’re lucky) impulse-buy Green Mile.
    – Flowers? Just this once… Fig bars? Almost healthy… A new bathmat? You’re right, mine IS dingy! …Electric toothbrush? Steam mop? Storage containers? Such a cute sweater! How have we lived without snowshoes?!? WHAT IF WE RUN OUT OF LIGHT BULBS??
  2. Speaking of impulse buys — dang if your food samplers don’t know exactly what they’re doing.
    Every week, those mild-mannered grandmas, through their sample-doling-voodoo, have my 3 yo scarfing a quinoa black bean veggie patty and going back for seconds… but when I spend the $8.79 to get 30 of them in my freezer?
    You guessed it: he won’t touch them with a 10 foot pole.
  3. No two Costco warehouses are arranged the same.
    YOU GUYS, this is so annoyyyyying. And it’s made worse by the fact that…
  4. you don’t label your aisles!
    I mean, let’s just shoot straight, you and me.
    I get it. The business-minded side of me knows why you do it, because the math is easy:
    The scramble that is one Costco warehouse to the next + the lack of labeling = every patron must peruse every aisle in search of a desired product, meaning more time spent in the store and more samples consumed, therefore more impulse-buys made.
    Costco, I’M ON TO YOU.
  5. And if that^^^ wasn’t irritating enough to realize: Your stores don’t carry the same products!
    All Mama wants is those mango kale squeezy pouches and some Larabars. But alas: we find ourselves at the wrong dang Costco.
  6. Your hours.
    You open at 10 during the week. 10! You’re like a class-skipping college kid. What’s next, Costco? A nap in the planetarium??
    I have a preschooler and a baby; we’ve lived half our lives by 10. I needed you at 9… but you weren’t there for me.Sigh.

I stand by all of these… but I also know this much is true: I will not stray. I need you more than you need me. These quirks are countered by your $1.50 soda+hotdogs, your cheap gas, your quick check-outs, and your $6.99 giant bottles of Sangria. I can’t quit you. I love you, even when I hate you.

But for the love, stick some labels on the aisles.


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7 Responses to Costco, I should hate you — but I CAN’T!

  1. Kirsten May 19, 2016 at 10:21 am #

    You always make me laugh Rebecca!

  2. Carolyn McGlennon May 19, 2016 at 10:38 am #

    It was SO easy to nap in the Planetarium!

  3. Deirdre May 27, 2016 at 4:47 pm #

    Mango Kale squeeze tubes! They are my elusive target every time I’m there!

  4. b Jennings May 27, 2016 at 7:25 pm #

    Costco cant label aisles due to the fact they rearrange the store almost every morning. You think its crazy trying to find something, just imagine 45 mins til the doors open. A manger walks by and says the ranch and croutons need to be in that aisle, and chips need to be over there! The price signs barely get printed in time.

  5. holly May 29, 2016 at 8:27 am #

    Happily employed at costco for 17 years, I still can’t find crap

  6. Mark Lewis June 2, 2016 at 1:29 am #

    You’re hysterical. . love it. .


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