Let me first say that I do not really want any more children. We couldn’t handle any more children, actually. I know my patience level, and threshold for crazy, and I believe my husband and I are pretty much there with three young children. But this month my baby turns two. And I am feeling the baby blues. As in I want my baby to stay a baby.
Some of my friends know for sure when they are done having children. That their families are complete. Some are more like me, and know what they can and can’t handle, dedicate themselves to, afford (!)…fill in the blank. But they still feel the twinge. Even my most completely “over it” friend recently confessed to missing the days of the pacifier and blanket.
I feel so blessed and lucky, but I also feel like a chapter of my life is closing. Don’t get me wrong – I recognize that another one is opening. So many exciting things await. Family adventures, trips, school plays, performances, drama of all kinds. But it also makes me feel like time is passing too quickly. Having three kids, there was always another baby on the heels to get me my “fix.” When I started to miss being pregnant (I know, crazy), I was fortunate to be able to experience it again. But not this time.
But like it or not, my baby is turning two. And I am determined to hold true to my resolutions, and stay present. Be there for those moments that are racing by. It is funny because, looking back, so many of our favorite memories seemed like such small moments at the time. My mom, a mother of four, told me recently she would “give her right arm” to go back to those days. Or maybe it was her left arm, as she is right handed. 🙂 In any case, she misses these crazy days that make up my life right now. I try to remember that, as some day I will miss having a two-year-old son and two littles in the beginning stages of school.
I will be looking to moms with older children to guide me as I navigate this next stage. There are so many strong, amazing women I know who can offer advice, support and cocktails when needed, of course. I am excited for what the next chapter might hold.