Say What? What Working Moms and Stay At Home Moms Don’t Want to Hear

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Say What-I’m in a somewhat unique position having been both a working mom and a stay at home mom, so I’m very familiar with the stereotypes of both situations.

Although most people mean well, there are certain generalizations that are so far-fetched they’re funny and some that are so far from the truth they downright hurt. What’s even worse is that sometimes these well-meaning comments can make working moms and stay at home moms resentful of one another when the reality is that we’re all moms doing what’s best for our families. After being in the trenches in both worlds, I’ve compiled a list of questions and comments that I wish I had never heard. BEWARE! Although these phrases may seem harmless, they can unleash a landslide of feelings in working moms and stay at home moms. So please…

Think twice before saying this to a WM!

  1. Your kid is sick again? At least he/she is building
    woman-hand-smartphone-desk
    Phone handy in case of a call about the kids.

    immunity.
    When my daughter caught the flu for the second time in six months (despite getting a flu shot) and I had to take a week off work to care for her, the last thing I thought about was how great it was that she was building immunity. No parent wants to see their child sick and no working parent wants the extra anxiety associated with having to call out of work.

  2. Do you miss your kids?
    Is the sky blue? I wanted to be a working mom, but that didn’t mean I never missed my kids! I may not have thought about them every moment of the workday, but I wasn’t celebrating being free of them for nine hours.
  3. Does it bother you that “someone else is raising your kids”?
    The ultimate slap in the face. We were happy that our girls’ caretakers assisted in fostering their development, but it’s my husband and I who set the routine, behavioral expectations, and overall parenting strategies for our children. We teach them values and provide for their physical and mental needs. No caretaker can substitute for what a parent provides, even if the parent is not physically present for some of the day.

Think again before saying this to a SAHM!

  1. Your house must be so clean. 
    IMG_3463
    At least they like to read!

    My kids love crumbs, crayons, making messes, and taking out every toy possible. With three people in the house all day instead of just in the morning and evening, it often looks like a tornado hit.

  2. What do you do with all your free time?
    What is this “free time” you speak of? Before I left my job, my mom sent me an article with recommended summer reading books. She said I’d need something to read when I had more free time as a SAHM. That was last year. I have yet to read article, let alone sit down to read a book. Or even sit down!
  3. It must be nice to sleep in and do whatever you want all day. 
    Except that I can’t. I’ve got a job to do and need to keep my young “employees” happy and cared for. We have a daily routine that provides structure and stability. We have school. We have toddler classes. We have fun.

However, there are generalizations about moms that are true. Please ask us about our kids! Working or staying at home, any mom will pull out her phone and scroll through photos when asked how her kids are doing. We also love it when you ask us about… US! We have interests outside of our children that we love to share. And Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum are always welcome topics!

 

 

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Beth Grady
After growing up in The Valley, Beth Grady took a hiatus from the desert to see what life was in like in Los Angeles and New York. She and her husband moved back to her hometown of Scottsdale where she’s now a proud girl mom to her five and eight-year-old daughters, and happy puppy mom to the world’s craziest 1-year-old “super mutt”. Beth spent time in the corporate marketing world doing some fun things for Us Weekly and Peter Piper Pizza, but has since said good-bye to celebrities and pepperoni to start her own marketing consulting business where she works with local small businesses. A fan of cold brew, kombucha, barre, pilates, and impromptu dance parties, Beth can navigate through her nearest Target with her eyes closed.