Dear Costco Checkout Guy,
I know what it’s like to work a retail job. You probably had to wake up around 8am, which is early for you, after having gone to bed well after midnight because you were drinking awesome beers with your awesome friends in your awesome apartment. By the way, how did you sleep? Like a rock and without interruption? Thought so.
I’m sure you’re great at your job. Swiping products over that scanner thing is no joke. You did a great job with my items, except for the part where you stood there and watched me put all one hundred of them, one by one, on the conveyor belt with a fifteen-pound baby clung to my torso by a strategically designed piece of cloth. Yes, it allows my hands to be free, but it still limits the mobility of my arms. That’s okay, I’ll just hoist this thirty-pound box of V8 juice up there while you stare at me. I’m a little confused, though – which is more marvelous, the fact that I can maneuver two boxes of diapers onto the thing with this baby attached to me, or the fact that I can simultaneously reach across the thing to feed Goldfish to my two-year-old sitting in the shopping cart?
Maybe it’s neither of those. Maybe your brain is going a little deeper than that. It’s obvious that I’m younger than you – are you trying to calculate just how old I must be and how I could already have borne two children and do they have the same father? Well, if you must know, I am almost four years into my marital bliss and these children were not accidents and since we’re getting to know each other, it would be really nice if you could grab that bag of granola for me. I won’t be offended by your help. In fact, I’d really appreciate it. In double fact, I’m going to give you some advice since we’re friends now. From this moment henceforth, if ever a mother should come through your line, she wants your help. I don’t care if she is accompanied by one kid or ten. I don’t care if she looks perfectly put together or like a disheveled mess. Your initiative could be the only rope she gets thrown that day.
I know you’re really excited to get off of work and drink more awesome beers with your awesome friends, but make me a deal. Stop gawking and be great.
Next time you see me, help me.
Photo: miamism on Flickr, via Creative Commons license