Civility in Citizenship

When I was little, I lived in Washington, D.C.. I don’t know what the motivation was for my Dad on the weekends. He could have simply wanted to be outside in the fresh air.  Somehow, we often found ourselves on the National Mall. A famous spot in a big city is never lacking in excitement.  There were always events and displays and rallies. I saw entertaining things like street performers and humbling things like the AIDS Quilt. They all float in my brain and probably have impacted me more than I know.

I will never forget one weekend being hoisted above the crowds into a tree. Cybil Shepherd was speaking at a pro-choice rally. My dad looked up at me and said, you don’t have to agree with what is being said, but you do need to hear what they are saying and know why they were saying it.

I will never forget that moment and many others like it. I wish afterwards, though, he had talked to me more about it. I would’ve loved to know more about what he thought.  What he believed and why. Even after that day, I didn’t know what his convictions were or if he agreed with those speakers. I only knew that there was something proper and respectful about hearing them out. It is something I’ve been pondering over the last several months of this election year.

I love that we have contributors who are weighing in on their perspectives of the elections. I love the healthy dialogues and representation to our little people that the elections matter. As we watch the debates, news, facebook posts, etc., my husband and I have been having some fantastic conversations about the civility of citizenship. Our conversations have led to some specific areas of intentionality we want to see in interacting with our kids and in how we raise them up. These are not just for major events like elections, but also the every day interactions in our neighborhoods and community. It is like we are taking that moment I had with my Dad on the Mall and going deeper.

I think first and foremost it is about engagement. I do not believe in this day and age that we have the time or excuse for passivity. I want to raise my children to be bold and wise when it comes to engaging in the culture around them. America is a place where you could sit back and let others make decisions.  You might be okay for awhile, but it isn’t what’s best. I want them to see us wrestling out issues and engaging with them in what we are doing politically and socially.  They need to see us voting and why we are choosing what we are choosing. We have the opportunity and right to take a stand for what we believe in. Every decision we make effects ourselves, others and generations to come. We can with civility fight for justice and equality. We can actual impact the way things are done. And so we must.

We have big dreams for our kids. We want them to love what they do, do it with excellence and be successful in doing it. The US Declaration of Independence affirms this desire in establishing our right to pursue life, liberty and happiness. The pursuit, however, is not a guarantee. Somehow we have dwindled it to a place of self entitlement. As we seek our own good, we must not neglect the common good. We are blessed abundantly and therefore have great responsibilities. We want to talk about, model and seek ways of being generous with others. With our little ones, we are teaching them to share and to care for their toys. I think somewhere in the elementary ages, though, we cease to model generosity and sharing since they aren’t fighting over a bucket at the park. For our school-aged girls that has meant recently giving financially to children in need, volunteering and avoiding conflicts amongst themselves over petty things like clothing.

Being a civilian in a community is about learning to control one’s tongue, too. Slander and empty attacks are par for the course in election years. This comes not only from candidates, but also from us in our personal discussions with other adults or in our homes. Quick biting words and name-calling only reflect poorly on the speaker, not the attacked. They are also ineffective in communicating the reality of a situation or a conviction. We can be respectful in our word choices without agreeing with a candidate or opposing party. How quickly we as adults result to name-calling of those running for election or of those with whom we disagree. It is behavior we would never tolerate from our children and yet we teach something very different to them when we call a government official an idiot or worse in their hearing.

This leads very quickly into debate skills. Not that I am trying to raise little lawyers here, but there are invaluable lessons that can be learned from speech and debate. You need to be able to speak clearly and effectively on topics. You must have convictions that are backed with truth and evidence. It is done in the hearing of all in front of a moderator. Name calling or empty words do not help you fight for what you believe to be true. It is a wonderful thing when parents take the time to teach their children convictions and the reasons behind those convictions. Only then can they listen to someone that thinks differently and engage in a mature way in opposition and persuasion.

There will be a time when our children feel isolated or lonely. We must teach them now that even if they feel that way some day, they are always a part of a community. How they interact with other people and exercise their freedoms will always matter. It is a gift for them to know that their actions impact themselves and others for all time. It is my hope to give them that gift in their treasury for adulthood. To believe and then to act, because it matters.