My kids will argue about anything. I am sure those of you with multiple kids that are about the same age can relate. They will argue about which movie they want to watch and who gets to get out of the bath last. They even bicker about who gets what color cup or fork at dinner, which one gets to help me in the kitchen, and who gets to sit by whom. It can be exhausting always trying to be fair and remember who got what last.
A friend of mine who has four children (six years of age and under) told us about their “lucky day” solution to my constant arguing problem. I have been testing it out for a few weeks, and it has worked so well that I had to share it with all of you. Every day, a different kid gets to have their very own “lucky day.” At the beginning of the month, I put a different initial on each day of my calendar (we cycle youngest to oldest). Whichever child’s lucky day it is gets to make all the decisions for that day. When a choice comes up, we refer back to the lucky day kid for that day. The choices to be made can vary from day to day, but the kids know that, just because one of them got to decide something one day, that does not mean another will get the same choices the next day. (Otherwise we would be going out for ice cream everyday!)
Overall, the solution has worked great with my family, especially on these long, summer days with everyone at home. Each kid feels special on their day and the others now respect the “lucky day” status. We do have a few diva moments when one will demand everything on their day, but this is likely due to her personality more than anything else (and at least I have limited these days to every third day instead of every day).
It is my opinion that everyday is a lucky day if your alive and well. I think this is the lesson kids should really learn. I think kids are given too many options and opportunities to make their own decisions these days. When I was growing up we never argued about forks and cups and ithe small things. I only have one child but his choices are limited too. He ca decide if he wants a banana or an apple for a snack, but he doesn’t get to choose something else. He does not get to say he won’t use the blue fork because he wants the green fork, a fork is a fork, use it. However, if a spoon is requested instead for ease of use, this accomidation can be made. Again, you get the I e I grab out of the drawer for you. Too many decisions is what gives kids these days a sense of entitlement that they really don’t have. My job as a Mom is NOT to cater to my child’s every whim! It is my job to provide for you, care for you, love you and teach you respect and how to be q functional member of society. If that means you don’t get the color of fork you want on a particular day, so be it. I hope my child does not grow up to sweat the small stuff. Tge world is a big picture we are all part of.
I totally understand what you are saying. There are a million times a day where a child needs to learn selflessness or compliance. It sounds like you are an intentional and caring mom. In this case, however, Angela is trying to diffuse situations between several children that do not have the life skills or the patience yet to handle things that seem monumentally important to their little hearts but aren’t actually in the big scheme of things. (think of the devastation over a helium balloon floating up to the clouds)
It’s me as the Mom that needs to set the example of not sweating the small stuff. There are many, many moments in life where little people get no say in the direction of their life (schools, moves, etc). I want to not sweat the small stuff like who gets out of the bath last, so that I can lovingly direct them under my protection and decisions when it really does matter.
Angela, way to go! I love the idea. As a mom of multiple children this can help.
Vanessa, I think you have it all wrong. The article was focusing on mothers with more than one child. I too give my children choices on color of forks or spoons, but that really isn’t the point. It is the bickering between the children, ie, multiples. I aso think every day is a lucky day that all are alive and well. Gook luck Mothers.
I think this is a great solution Angela! I think it teaches them that sometimes they get to make a decision and sometimes they have to accept another’s decision. And giving your kids options, even super small ones, give them power. And if they are concerned with the little things, they don’t have time to get into trouble with the big stuff!
Angela, I love you perspective!
My kids (3Y and 1Y) are barely at the bickering stage, but my 3YO has started to demonstrate some preferences like when little bro wants mommy (he’s hanging on my leg) she’ll come over and say “my mommy” – It’s like a foreshadowing of all the events that you describe above! I’m so thankful to you for sharing your mommy wisdom and a little trick that has helped your family work through these little disputes.
Vanessa, I love your passion for this topic, but I see that Angela is certainly not looking for ways to “cater to every whim”, but she’s looking for creative ways to create a peaceful home environment that teaches her children the joy of giving up one’s right to choose (on the days it’s not their “lucky day”) and the fun of being able to be the decision maker for the day.
Love the discussion mamas! Keep sharing, your insights are golden!
This is a fabulous idea! I also love that it teaches other children in the home patience as they wait for their lucky day to arrive. Not to mention learning how to be happy for someone else, etc. This is SUCH a great idea that I might just have to use it with clients when they are looking for ways to cut through some of the chaos at home. This method of positive reinforcement can be directed by the parent and it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of making sure that there is not a sense of entitlement at all. I LOVE it!
My favorite thing about this system is that the kids enforce the rules – it saves you the hassle of trying to remember how to be fair. And I assume that the person whose “Lucky Day” it is doesn’t get her every wish granted from dawn til dusk – I just read it as a way to quickly end the debate over the “little things.” 🙂
Love, love love this!
I think the point that Vanessa was trying to make is that children have to many choices and that gives them the feeling of entitlement. So maybe the point (Debbie) is to reduce the amount of choices they have so that is a privilage rather than an entitlement. As for the lucky day chart, it was an amazing idea, yet so simple. I have two girls…one 9 and one 7, who have night and day personalities. They disagree about EVERYTHING. That is except when i want to punish one of them for the way they are treating each other. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and they will grow out of it. Especially with the love, patience and creativity you and those around you put into your children. Good luck to all you moms, and thank you for the support through this understood common ground we all face.
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