Cultivating Friendships

Joy’s post on mom-to-mom friendships could not have been more timely after the week I had. Mommy mantras always include self care. I am horrible at self care. I usually am forced into it by my sweet husband who I am sure is fearful I will lose my mind without it. I thought that is what I was doing last week as I packed my little suitcase, kissed my babies, and headed for a girls weekend. I left my baby for the first time. It took a lot–you know that anxiety is always worse for the Momma!–but I knew my heart, mind and body needed a little break. As a home schooling mom with a child with special needs, it was imperative. Time away from my family was worth it for these ladies.

It ended up being even sweeter than I thought it could be.

These are old friends that have walked with me through high highs and low lows in the last decade. These are the girls that I know will be there if everything comes crashing down. I couldn’t wait to have 3 days with them. 10 long hours ticked by before I could feel my body finally relaxing. The conversation was sweet, the belly laughs were plentiful, and the sustenance was delicious. It was true rest. Then one of my dearest friends said something that deepened my weekend and my perspective on these precious friends.

In short, she said, it is imperative that we not only take time to rest and be still and refreshed, but also to be intentional about cultivating friendships. She shared how easily this time in our lives could pass by without our friends. She had seen so many in our parents generation without friends. For many of us, we are past the time of mommyhood where playdates and finding friends in our same life stage to connect are over. We could find ourselves 10-20 years from now with little to no true, deep friends. Her participation in the weekend took more money and effort than the rest of us. Those challenges could have stopped her. Instead she made a conscious, deliberate effort to come and be with us. Unlike most of us, she saw the actual, long-term need of her soul to have girlfriends not just now, but for years to come. I love her perspective. We are close now.  We would take each others kids if something should happen to us. We know each other’s past and current mountains and valleys. As she spoke, though, I knew how quickly that could fade and distance and distraction could passively separate us. We need to cultivate our relationships. With our kids, with our husbands and with our girlfriends.

The effort made this weekend will be repeated. But now by all of us. Those monthly or yearly meetings will keep us connected long after we become empty nesters. The children that once connected us will be gone. Deep, purposeful relationships will be there, waiting for that next stage of ups and downs. How sweet is that? Most importantly, I will be savoring those times of rest with these loved ones more than I ever have before.

** this blog post was way sweeter as I remembered my great weekend and finished off a box of girl scout Tagalongs as I typed.  Mmmmm!