Passionate About the Community
and the Moms Who Live Here

If A Mom Had A Resume

SMB Mom Resume

Back when I was fresh out of college, I worked as a recruiter and looked a resumes all day long. I saw some fairly interesting things to say the least. I recently found myself wondering what the resume of a mom might look like. Day to day, and hour to hour, even minute to minute, we hold so many different jobs and strive to complete a single task. When it really comes down to it, what would it look like to put a corporate spin on what a mom does everyday?

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Moms Everywhere

123 Main Street

Anytown, USA 54321

333.444.5555

[email protected]

Profile

Multitasking human caretaker. Responsible, reliable, and exhausted household manager who provides unlimited hugs and kisses upon request (and sometimes without a request).

Education

There was no instruction manual for this.  

Experience
Senior Domestic Engineer; USA,  2010 – Present

  • Expert level terrorist negotiator providing counsel and mediation for all nuclear meltdown situations between both human counterparts, and between small humans and inanimate objects.
  • Head chef and nutritionist providing quick and nutritional meals on demand. Nutrition is usually overridden by the “on demand” part.
  • Seasoned environmental waste management responsible for anticipation of and/or sterilization after contact with #1, #2, boogers, blood, and all other bodily functions.
  • Experienced chauffeur and licensed operator of household appointed motor vehicle. Provides all transport and five point harness fastening for household members.
  • Chief Budget Executor and Coupon Clipper Extraordinaire. Prevention of frivolous spending and expenditures (with the exception for all line items that begin with “Target.”)
  • Social Chair and Event Organizer contracted to schedule and attend all -but not limited to- playgroups, sporting events, class parties, and play dates. Appointed to cultivate and encourage regular social interaction and teaching basic social skills such as “why we don’t throw sand.”
  • Safety and Security Enforcement. Baby wipes and first aid kit is accessible at all times. Hand-holding in parking lots is non-negotiable.
  • Human Incubator establishing and maintaining homeostasis to facilitate growth for future employers.
  • Toy Mechanic and Repair. Includes but is not limited to using mediums such as sewing, super glue, and duct tape to restore broken items.
  • Professional Laundress. Able to eliminate unidentifiable stains and substances due to aforementioned environmental waste.

Skills

  • Creating unique sandwich shapes with cookie cutters
  • Teaching small humans the art of hovering in public restrooms
  • Expert monster eliminator
  • Master of the messy bun
  • Blankie and stuffed animal seamstress
  • Science fair project design and completion
  • Photographer and Videographer
  • Eyes located on back of head

References
Mediocre references available upon request. Any evaluation provided to potential employers directly corresponds with how early said references were awake and amount of sugar consumed by noon.

Would you hire me? What would you add to the resume?

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One Response to If A Mom Had A Resume

  1. Beth Grady December 11, 2015 at 9:06 am #

    Love this! So true! Awesome post Lindsay. I’d totally hire you 🙂

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