Passionate About the Community
and the Moms Who Live Here

It Takes a Village { surviving motherhood }

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I was the first of my friends to have kids. I hadn’t made any pregnant friends. Subsequently, I had a really hard time when my first son was born. I read about postpartum depression and it sounded like a frolic in the flowers compared to what I was feeling. You see, I’m technically an introvert, but I thrive on friendships once I’m in them. I had the same friends all throughout high school, college, and marriage… but then I got pregnant and I simply couldn’t keep up with my old friends. I had never had to actually make friends, at least I hadn’t needed to for the past ten years, and now I found myself responsible for a little human and all that that entails with no one to talk to about it. My husband acted as my biggest support, but he couldn’t go to the park with me in the mornings or have tea with me during nap time because he was working. Sleep deprivation, sore nipples, and  an increasing detachment from the world lead me to face a hard truth: I needed to make some tired, sore, messy mama friends to match my new life.

So I went to church. Seriously. Okay, I had been going to this church since high school, but I now started going with fresh eyes. There, I was introduced to another new mom whose daughter was born only three weeks after my son. Bam, instant something-in-common. I can’t describe for you the utter relief I felt at hearing someone say “me too.” Suddenly, I wasn’t alone! It sounds silly now – I mean, of course I wasn’t alone. Women have babies all the time. But there is a transformative power in having personal conversations with someone that is in the same season of life as you are, and especially in fostering that relationship further and growing together.

Meeting that one mom was the first domino to fall. It took a while, but my heavy heart slowly lifted and opened. I began watching other moms with their babies during service (Creepy? Maybe.) and approaching them afterward. I looked into other mom’s groups and Bible studies. In short, I saw what I wanted and I got it (ahem, with much humility and prayer and bravery). Now, I have the most delightful community of women and families to walk through this weird life with. We share meals and drink wine together. Our husbands loan books to each other. Our kids are growing up together. I really am not alone.

If you’re a new mom, or even an old mom, and these words resonate with you, I’m encouraging you to step out in faith. Perhaps literal faith – go to church. Go to the park. Come to one of our SMB events, join stroller strides, anything! Being a mom is a crazy thing and we should support each other in it. Instead of making small talk with that mom at the library, ask her for her number. If she thinks you’re batty then it wasn’t meant to be, but I’ll bet that she was working up the guts to do the same.

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7 Responses to It Takes a Village { surviving motherhood }

  1. Lauren February 8, 2013 at 8:23 am #

    I basically went through the exact same thing!! It can be so hard, but so worth it when you make those new friendships! I had to just learn that I couldn’t make all my current friends have babies…I had to go find new ones that already had babies 😉

  2. Bethany February 8, 2013 at 8:25 am #

    Though my entire family lives here in the valley, having the community and relationship of other families who are in the same phase of life has really been so helpful. Sure, my mother and aunts remember their sore nipples too, but the advice they’d give me was now considered arcaic. Thank God for our church community! It’s the cure to my too once sore nipples and many other issues. Well, He’s the cure, but you catch my drift.

  3. Adrianne February 8, 2013 at 8:46 am #

    Thank you so much for sharing this story. The first half was ME!! I was reading about myself. I now have five children. We moved to AZ almost three years ago, and I have one friend. Haha! I ache for the friendships, and family I left behind. I want that so much, here too! Next Sunday, in the “nursing room,” instead of small talk…..I think I might work up the courage to ask for a playdate. Wish me luck!

    • Lindsey February 8, 2013 at 1:39 pm #

      Please do & good luck!

  4. Cate February 8, 2013 at 11:51 am #

    I am so glad you took that brave step. I can’t imagine our community without you!! xoxo

  5. Cate February 8, 2013 at 11:53 am #

    Adrianne—for sure come to our zoo walk!!! I have 5 kiddos too! I’d be happy to help you get connected!

  6. Ally February 15, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

    Thanks so much for this heart felt post! I felt like I was reading about myself. I just made the transition from working mom to sahm, and it has been a daunting journey, but one that I am so glad I’ve taken. I had a wonderful moms group at work, but did not know any sahms. I would do things like take my son to the zoo by myself, and though I cherished every moment with him, I started feeling isolated. I began questioning if I had made the right decision to be at home with him. But I dug deep, and challenged myself to get out of my shell. I talked to moms at storytime, and made an effort to make a connection. This had made all the difference, and I have made some wonderful friends. Thanks again for this honest and encouraging post.