My motherly advice: “Resist the temptation to give a new mom too much advice!”

A good college girlfriend of mine just had her first baby, and, of course, we’ve had plenty to discuss. I love hearing stories of her new little baby boy. And, I’ll admit, as the mother of two little men myself, it’s fun to be able to answer her questions and share some advice and tips. However, this can be tricky and I’m always careful to make sure I’m not being “overly-helpful.” After all, part of the transition from civilian to mommy is learning these things for yourself. Plus, she’s actually mentioned to me before how shocked (and frankly a little annoyed) she’s been by the sheer volume of unsolicited advice she’s received.

According to my friend, all throughout her pregnancy, when she asked someone about their stroller, baby blanket, bottle, etc., they not only told her how wonderful the product was, but instructed her to just go ahead and “copy their registry”. Apparently this happened not once, but five times! (She swears she counted!) Two of those moms were her close friends, but the other three were complete strangers! Could you imagine someone you didn’t know telling you to “just copy” her wedding registry? “You’ll just love the fine china I picked out! And trust me, you’ve never baked a cake in your life, but you’re gonna NEED a Kitchen Aid Mixer!”

Now I’m not saying I’m against mom advice. In fact, I’m actually a HUGE fan of it! Most of the best tricks I’ve learned have come from other moms. The negative advice I’m worried about is the pushy, unsolicited, judgmental kind.  Yeah, I’m talking to you random mean woman in the Whole Foods parking lot. Yes, ‘you’, the one who told me I let my son behave terribly in a grocery store and that he would probably end up in jail one day if I didn’t start setting some consequences! (yes this actually happened!) This event occurred when I was 6 months pregnant and obviously exhausted, my husband was out of town, and my then 2-year-old son had missed his much-needed nap. As you can imagine from the scene I’ve set, that shopping trip may not have been my most shining moment as a parent…but come on!! She told me one day I’d thank her for being brave enough to tell me the truth. I went home and cried.

While in no way changing my parenting, that experience made me really redefine good advice versus bad advice. Good advice offers you encouragement and inspiration. It helps you become a better parent without making you feel like you were hopeless from the start. What drives me crazy is the advice that insists there’s one only one way (theirs) and causes you to doubt yourself; advice that makes you feel like your doing this whole “mom thing” wrong.

So, in that spirit, here are a few pieces of advice from me…

When it comes to things you’ll need for a baby, there’s a time to splurge and a time to save. What? Oh…  Were you expecting me to tell you when to really spend and when to economize? Well, I have no idea! All I know is that it’s probably a good idea to mix it up. That way when the way amazing new travel bed comes out, you’ll be able to justify buying it because, after all, with the first baby, you bought the cheap one! In the same way, when some other fabulous but far-too-expensive product is introduced and you think you just HAVE TO HAVE IT, you’ll be able to look at your ridiculously overpriced stroller and convince yourself that, like the fancy stroller, (which you kinda ended up not liking) this new product is probably also not as wonderful as you think it will be. In the end, regardless of price, you will love half your purchases and regret the other half. That’s life, but, hey, that’s why we’ve got Craigslist!

Don’t be a crybaby about sleep-training. To CIO or not to CIO? Sure, that may be the question, but you are the only one who can answer it. I think eventually, most moms get to the point where some sort of sleep training is usually required. But, as far as when and how you should take this task on is really up to you. I remember being made to feel like I was way too much of a softy and that if I didn’t take charge of his schedule from the moment of birth, I was setting an irreversible precedent of my child making all the rules. I also had other influences that made me feel like letting a baby cry rendered me about as cruel and heartless as a person could get.  Both of these positions are just silly! Comforting a crying baby doesn’t mean you’ll end up letting your 16 year old run the show. Likewise, allowing a baby to fuss and cry so they can learn good sleep habits does not make you a mean mom. At the end of the day (literally) you are the one who will have to tough it out and listen to your baby cry…. or you’ll be the one who’s getting up with her every night. So, unless someone’s willing to come to your house and sleep train your baby or to feed her all night, it’s really not their call. (*If you do find someone willing to do this, by all means, let them!! Then please, please send them to my house!)

Huggies vs. Pampers. In the world of baby stuff, I’ve found that the level of brand loyalty moms seem to have for “their products” is off the charts.  Here’s the truth: If Similac was really a “million times better” than Enfamil, they would stop making Enfamil because no one would buy it. If Huggies did not absorb as well as Pampers, no one would use them. The truth is, it’s totally your preference! I can’t even believe I’m writing this, but I have had many conversations about how much better some baby products is than the “other leading brand”. (And yes, I was quite possibly the one trying to convince everyone else that “Nuk” was the best pacifier.) I assume it’s just because when we find something we love, we are so excited that we just have to share! I get it; once someone’s had 5 or 6 diapers leak baby poop on them in the middle of Fashion Square, they’re pretty psyched about the new diaper that finally stopped the problem. Their advice may be great, but just remember, as we speak, there’s probably some other mom, somewhere else in Scottsdale having baby poop leaked on her from that same brand.

Sleep when the baby sleeps! If you are looking for some witty commentary here, there is none. I am going to break all my aforementioned rules and just be flat-out bossy! This is honestly the best advice ever! All of us moms with more than one child are looking at you with pure envy… you CAN nap! Please do it! Do it for us! Do it for all of the exhausted sleep deprived mothers out there who were up all night with a screaming baby but now have to drive carpool. We are soooo jealous that you have this option! Use it! Trust me, you’ll be very glad you did.

So in sum, that’s my advice to you new moms… but as another mother who was giving me advice once told me, “My advice is pretty much worth just what you paid for it!” 

So let’s hear it! What’s the best (or worst) advice you’ve received as a mom?