Sticky Situations | Playground Etiquette

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We moms are all supposed to be on the same team, right? But what about those times when you catch another mom giving you a sideways judgy glance – whether it’s because you just let your toddler eat a cracker off the floor or your preschooler is getting bullied by a bigger kid and you step in to reprimand the offender? In this series we’re talking about these sticky situations…the ones where you feel like you might be breaking some sort of unspoken rule – if only you knew what it was! Help us solve these tricky questions in the comments – sound off with your own opinions and let’s get some discussion going!

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Once Reagan was coordinated enough to walk (okay, fine, she was crawling through the sand), I brought her to one of our fabulous Scottsdale Parks.  But, lately I’ve realized that I don’t understand the unspoken rules of the playground the more Reagan starts interacting with kids we don’t know.

Last week, we were at the Train Park, Reagan was bopping  around climbing the equipment (and trying to kill herself on the arched ladder thing) and I was chasing her around with Elliot strapped to my front when she spotted them: children playing with buckets and shovels.  She just scurried over and excitedly started moving sand and snatching the appropriate tools required to complete the task at hand.

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEAM*

One of these little darlings didn’t appreciate Reagan’s ambition to “help” them move the sand.  In turn, Reagan let off her own shriek of frustration.  Awesome…  I step in and try to distract her with: the slide, the steps, “Hey look, a puppy” – seriously, anything that will calm everyone down.  But it occurs to me: I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.  What are the rules here?  What is the “right” thing?

Should I have let her play with the other kids’ sand toys?  Why not?  This is a PUBLIC park.  How on top of her do I need to be?  It can get (IS) exhausting chasing her around – can’t I give her some freedom to explore?  Am I a bad mom for letting her play with the toys?  She’s not sharing, what does that say about me?  On and on and on and on and on my mind spins until I just want to go home and eat chocolate.

So, you sweet Scottsdale Moms out there reading this post during nap time or bedtime or while you sip your night cap, tell me pretty please, what should I do?  What are the RULES of the playground?

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Joy is the Co-founder of Scottsdale Moms Blog and absolutely loves living in Scottsdale with her hubby Kevin, their daughter Reagan (born August 2009) and their son Elliot (born May 2011).  She is a lover of nature, a research analyst on all things related to life, a home manager, a crafty art-eest, Chief Marketing Officer for Cactus CrossFit, mommy, daughter and friend.

12 COMMENTS

  1. Great post Joy! Here’s my two cents…

    Everything is age-dependent and situation-dependent, first of all. With the really little ones like Reagan I feel like the respectful thing is for the moms to be nearby and ready to intervene if necessary, while letting kids figure things out for themselves as much as possible. Sometimes we jump in before it’s really necessary. I don’t think you were in the wrong for letting Reagan approach someone else’s toys and start to play at all. After the kid got upset I probably would have done what you did … try to distract with something else. Ideally the mom on the other side of the situation would have also seen what was happening and helped her little one find a way to share or take turns if possible.

    I think we can all acknowledge that sometimes our kid is the toy-stealer, and sometimes they’re the one being stolen from. The best we can do is be present and available and hope the other mom has the same kind of common sense. 🙂

  2. My personal rule is that if we take it to the public park, expect to share it with everyone there. If you don’t want to share, don’t take it to the park. But not every mom thinks that way and I have had my kids told to give back the toy to their kid.

    Just ask the mom if it is alright if your child plays with the toys. Then you know for sure where that mom sides . . .

    • I totally agree, Angela! If you bring them expect to share. I think most moms don’t mind, but some get awkward like you’re going to hide them in your stroller or something!

      I also prep my kids that sometimes toys are special to kids. If a stranger doesn’t want to share, I’ve trained them to say, ‘oh, that’s okay. have fun playing.” and we go do something else.

  3. Isn’t it so much fun?!? Trying to know how to make everyone happy, including your screaming toddler! I am always trying to encourage lola to play with other kids and socialize but feel like its always, “NO, that’s not yours,” “NO, we don’t hit,” or “why don’t you play with the toys we brought” but in reality these kiddos live in the moment, they want to play with that new toy they haven’t seen before and could care less about anything you ve brought for them…for myself I guess I try and just teach sharing in a public situation, expect other kids to want to play with her toys and in turn help her “nicely” play with other kiddos and their toys…is this the right thing, honestly I don’t know…but for now I’m going with it!

  4. I agree with what some of these other moms have said. I will also add that what I do is always make sure that we bring some toys to the park as well. You KNOW other kids will have toys – and like Jennifer said – they will always want what’s not theirs, but this way, you can encourage sharing. Then when your child does wonder up to those other kids and their toys, you can encourage sharing of all the toys instead of your child using their toys.

    I also always intervene. Maybe it’s my type A personality and I’m breaking “mom” rules, but I think part of our job as parents is to teach kids how to respectfully play with each other and each place you take your kids is an opportunity to learn. I don’t think that being respectful of other kids or even sharing nicely is something kids figure out on their own…

  5. I have a question for the moms! I have a 9 month old and we have not been to playground yet b/c he can’t walk so really can’t do anything except get dirty there and all the other kids are older anyways. Which brings me to my question. Most of the kids he is ever around are about his same age and so of the same ability. Occasionally though, there will be an older kid in the mix with the babies. By older, I mostly just mean toddler. There have been instances where the older kid isn’t playing so “nice” with the younger ones. Not hitting or smacking but just playing kind of rough or putting toys in the babies’ faces. What is a mom to do? Especially when the mother of the rough playing child is either oblivious or ignoring the issue? Sure, I can remove my son from the mix but that just leaves the toddler to torment the next baby… Any advice?!

    • Hi Megan,
      I have no problem saying something sweetly like, oh, let’s be gentle with the baby or babies are ready for toys like that. That’s a big boy toy. or something like that.
      They are little now, but before you know it your son will need words to defend himself. As adults, we have to model that for our kids until they can themselves. Just my opinion. 🙂

      • Cate- You are such a great mom. I love how thoughtful you are and intentional in every aspect of your parenting. I love what you said: “They are little now, but before you know it your son will need words to defend himself. As adults, we have to model that for our kids until they can themselves.” You are so wise 🙂

        • I love that same quote too! It is SO important to remember that they will mimic our words, actions and ALSO our demeanor. Sometimes it is just hard to remember that in the heat of the moment-like when I child twice his size is putting a dirty plastic shovel in your son’s mouth! 😉

          Thanks so much for the advice!

    • Megan, I know exactly what you are talking about! My son was the youngest for a while and now with a 6 month old daughter I am having to defend her against him and {I feel} the rest of the world. Cate is right on with saying something sweetly but still teaching them how to interact with babies. I often find myself saying things like-‘Oh thanks for sharing but she doesn’t know how to play with that’, or ‘oh I am sure when she is bigger she would LOVE to wrestle with you but she isn’t quite ready’ OF course there are times when if my little one seemed in danger I would just pick him/her up.

      • That is what I did at first with the particular instance that stands out in my mind. I told the toddler that babies can’t play with toys that way and to be gentle, expecting that the toddler’s mom would intervene in some way when the child didn’t stop. When she didn’t, I just picked up Parker and we played somewhere else. The humorous part of the situation was that I overheard the toddler’s mom giving advice to another mom that she should show her 1 year old what gentle means when she says the word to her! …which is why she didn’t notice her own child “torturing” the babies! hehe No harm done! …and she actually had good advice that I have since put in place with Parker when he plays with our dog!

        There are just so many situations that arise and it is hard to know what to do so that other parents don’t think you are passing judgement on them when you feel the need to intervene. As for the sharing of toys, we haven’t had too much happen with that yet but I feel if it is that important to the child (or parent) then maybe it should be left at home so there is no worry about losing or ruining it. We have a dog that loves to fetch balls, even at the dog park, I don’t expect her to be the only dog chasing/playing with the ball when we bring it there. If she acts possessive of the ball (very, very rare for her) then I take it away. If she won’t stop pestering me for it, then we leave. I know it isn’t exactly the same with a child but the principle of it is still the same. If I make my dog share, I would surely expect my child to.

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